And yet again...

"When the time comes to leave, just walk away quietly and don't make any fuss." -Banksy

--

Sentimental individual that I am, I have developed a series of personal traditions over the course of my 22 years, one of which is my practice of writing letters to myself. In high school I wrote one each year, then opened them around graduation. I did the same thing in college and just recently opened them. It's fascinating, seeing how I've grown over the past four years into the person that I am now.

I'm surprised at how much (and why) I've changed. Personal struggles that once seemed insurmountable - my insecurity, shyness, and fear of offending people - are not issues that I deal with on a large scale anymore. Interestingly though, in each of these things I've had to be taken to my breaking point (by a number of circumstances) in order to get any better. Reading my letters, I was struck by how grateful I am for the bad experiences that have shaped me into a more self-assured, open person. I am able to get outside of my own head and concentrate on what's going on with other people now.

On the other side of things, new issues have come up that I never imagined myself dealing with. I take comfort though, in the fact that change is always possible. For this reason, I'm grateful for the changes that graduation will bring and I look forward to the time that lies ahead. Though it is terrifying, I am choosing to appreciate the uncertainty.

--

Annnd what would this post be without a poem? . . .

May Grad, 2011

Tomorrow's alarm will need to be shrill

To wake me to this sunny diaspora,

Ready, willing.

Annie Dillard's The Maytrees

Sits unread on my desk, in the exact place

I left it after you handed it

Two months ago, saying "Take this, eat."

Your words, the wisdom,

A life full of wonderings.

When Spring ends and we move out,

I'll have to give it back.

--Alicia (2011)