"When the time comes to leave, just walk away quietly and don't make any fuss." -Banksy
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Sentimental individual that I am, I have developed a series of personal traditions over the course of my 22 years, one of which is my practice of writing letters to myself. In high school I wrote one each year, then opened them around graduation. I did the same thing in college and just recently opened them. It's fascinating, seeing how I've grown over the past four years into the person that I am now.
I'm surprised at how much (and why) I've changed. Personal struggles that once seemed insurmountable - my insecurity, shyness, and fear of offending people - are not issues that I deal with on a large scale anymore. Interestingly though, in each of these things I've had to be taken to my breaking point (by a number of circumstances) in order to get any better. Reading my letters, I was struck by how grateful I am for the bad experiences that have shaped me into a more self-assured, open person. I am able to get outside of my own head and concentrate on what's going on with other people now.
On the other side of things, new issues have come up that I never imagined myself dealing with. I take comfort though, in the fact that change is always possible. For this reason, I'm grateful for the changes that graduation will bring and I look forward to the time that lies ahead. Though it is terrifying, I am choosing to appreciate the uncertainty.
--
Annnd what would this post be without a poem? . . .
May Grad, 2011
To wake me to this sunny diaspora,
Ready, willing.
Annie Dillard's The Maytrees
Sits unread on my desk, in the exact place
I left it after you handed it
Two months ago, saying "Take this, eat."
Your words, the wisdom,
A life full of wonderings.
When Spring ends and we move out,
I'll have to give it back.
--Alicia (2011)
