Ah, insomnia...

I'm having trouble falling asleep, as usual. Tonight I went to bed feeling anxious about a bunch of stuff, and I couldn't relax. Lately, I haven't had much of a desire to read the Bible. So I haven't been, aside from a few exceptions. (I desire the discipline to be consistent and the peace that comes with consistency. But sometimes I push myself so hard in other areas of my life that my relationship with God becomes an afterthought. I'm saying this because I don't want to give the false impression that I have this thing together...because I really don't.)

Anyway, tonight was one of those exceptions. Because I couldn't sleep I got up and read Psalm 39 (from the NRSV). It's a really perplexing Psalm, but in an odd way it spoke to me. The psalmist articulated almost exactly what I'm feeling right now, and it was a much needed dose of perspective (in a different sort of way).

So I thought I'd share it:

--

Psalm 39

To the leader: to Jeduthun. A Psalm of David.
¹I said, ‘I will guard my ways
   that I may not sin with my tongue;
I will keep a muzzle on my mouth
   as long as the wicked are in my presence.’ 
²I was silent and still;
   I held my peace to no avail;
my distress grew worse, 
³   my heart became hot within me.
While I mused, the fire burned;
   then I spoke with my tongue: 

⁴‘Lord, let me know my end,
   and what is the measure of my days;
   let me know how fleeting my life is. 
⁵You have made my days a few handbreadths,
   and my lifetime is as nothing in your sight.
Surely everyone stands as a mere breath. 
          Selah 
⁶   Surely everyone goes about like a shadow.
Surely for nothing they are in turmoil;
   they heap up, and do not know who will gather. 

⁷‘And now, O Lord, what do I wait for?
   My hope is in you. 
⁸Deliver me from all my transgressions.
   Do not make me the scorn of the fool. 
⁹I am silent; I do not open my mouth,
   for it is you who have done it. 
¹⁰Remove your stroke from me;
   I am worn down by the blows of your hand. 

¹¹‘You chastise mortals
   in punishment for sin,
consuming like a moth what is dear to them;
   surely everyone is a mere breath. 
          Selah

¹²‘Hear my prayer, O Lord,
   and give ear to my cry;
   do not hold your peace at my tears.
For I am your passing guest,
   an alien, like all my forebears. 
¹³Turn your gaze away from me, that I may smile again,
   before I depart and am no more.’